i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
