you turned your livingroom into a bong?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
