I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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