i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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