why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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