What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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