billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
