Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
