highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
