I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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