OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
