So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
