doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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