guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
