You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
