oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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