Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
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please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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