dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
