I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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