new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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