Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
