I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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