Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
