Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
