I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.