i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
