Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night