I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.