Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.

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  (949): I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads. http://tfl.nu/gq0b
  Replies (24) Good night (5401) Bad night (725)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.

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  (321): You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again. http://tfl.nu/dbiz
  Replies (8) Good night (4396) Bad night (932)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.

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  (206): I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick. http://tfl.nu/yyxj
  Replies (8) Good night (1313) Bad night (4017)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar

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  (412): Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar http://tfl.nu/l67v
  Replies (8) Good night (2485) Bad night (877)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.

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  (703): When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond. http://tfl.nu/i1tf
  Replies (12) Good night (2690) Bad night (930)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.

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  (503): Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here. http://tfl.nu/gxsg
  Replies (6) Good night (1315) Bad night (508)
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  (707): View more from California

  I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.

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  (707): I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show. http://tfl.nu/jiaj
  Replies (3) Good night (461) Bad night (668)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.

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  (703): BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES. http://tfl.nu/8c1x
  Replies (3) Good night (462) Bad night (1214)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.

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  (410): well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you. http://tfl.nu/1rtw
  Replies (5) Good night (716) Bad night (343)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.

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  (917): Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life. http://tfl.nu/kv1x
  Replies (11) Good night (767) Bad night (920)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?

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  (304): I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed? http://tfl.nu/vp1b
  Replies (4) Good night (306) Bad night (1414)
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  (408): View more from California

  I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.

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  (408): I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment. http://tfl.nu/nl3d
  Replies (2) Good night (599) Bad night (324)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.

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  (270): So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night. http://tfl.nu/84fm
  Replies (1) Good night (621) Bad night (343)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear

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  (774): My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear http://tfl.nu/ln1o
  Replies (3) Good night (665) Bad night (408)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it

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  (306): it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator. (306): oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it http://tfl.nu/nakp
  Replies (6) Good night (512) Bad night (228)

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