I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
