Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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