I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
they're like a gay fantastic four
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
