Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
