I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
