There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
