Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
