i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
