and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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