Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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