Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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