I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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