So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
