Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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