I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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