I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Small penises have feelings too.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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