i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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