she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
