We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
