What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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