real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
