I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
