Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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