Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
