if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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