That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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