I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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