theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
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If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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