that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
