Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
