It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
