Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
