Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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