there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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