Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
