Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
