Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
