Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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