Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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