She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
