just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
