if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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