She is in my trunk
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This is my gift to your gina
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
