I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
