i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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