Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
