nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
